Documenting our journey will also be a great way to look back on it all and see God's hand in the journey -- He has definitely guided us and sometimes I just need to be reminded that He knows what He is doing!
Warning, this post will be long -- I have a lot of catching up to do. I promise I will try to keep it succinct, and future posts shouldn't be as tedious to read.
Some background: My husband and I had NEVER considered adoption, in our 17 + years of marriage. We have 3 wonderful, perfect (in our eyes) children. Our kids are self-sufficient and old enough to stay home alone. Our lives are pretty easy. In a few short years it will just be the two of us, enjoying each others company as we travel, sleep in on weekends, and do all those things I dream about empty nesters getting to do.
So when we found ourselves sitting at church on Orphan Sunday, in November, 2010 watching a video on adoption, neither of us had any inkling of the journey God was about to start in our lives. It was not an in-your-face, you-have-to-adopt video, just a short, simple video explaining one family's decision to begin the adoption process.
I don't even remember what the rest of the sermon was about -- but it wasn't about adoption. I just kept replaying in my mind what I felt God saying to my heart about adoption, trying to figure out if He was really talking to me:
The reasons you have for not adopting are pure selfishness. You have the resources to care for another and you are a good parent.
On our way home from church, my husband said that he felt that God speaking to him during that video, telling him that his reasons for not considering adoption were selfish, that we have the ability to adopt and we are really good parents.
WHAT?!? Was God really telling us we needed to adopt? Maybe He just wanted us to get more involved in some way -- write a check, help another family adopt, go on a missions trip. He couldn't possibly be telling US to adopt, we are on the backside of parenting!
So we started praying. Hard. And we began researching adoption. The more we prayed, the more we researched, the more we knew we were being called to adopt.
Things I know about God: He calls us to step out in faith, even when it looks crazy. He calls us to help those in need. And He does not call us to a life of comfort and ease, wrapped up in our own little safe worlds.
Let me also say this: While we are all called to help those is need, not everyone is called to adopt. So if you are reading this and thinking, I really don't feel like God wants me to adopt, that is fine. But do ask Him what He wants you to do to help those less fortunate. There is something you can do to help!
Back to November -- We agonized over countries and adoption agencies. We felt like Africa was where we should go, but there were so many agencies to choose from. By Christmas we had finally picked a reputable agency, settled on adopting a little girl, age 0-2 from Ethiopia and had begun the application process.
Part of the adoption process is completing mounds and mounds of paperwork. Given that red tape and redundant paperwork drives my husband batty, I began the tedious process of compiling birth certificates, marriage certificates (which have to be certified for adoption -- requiring ordering specific certificates from the state), reference letters from friends and family, ordering blood work, etc etc. In March, 2010 we began our Home Study. A home study is where a case worker comes into your home and basically investigates your family history, your marriage, your parenting style, and how you live to determine if you will be a good candidate for adopting a child. After a series of interviews over several weeks, the case worker then writes a long report that is submitted to the government along with the rest of your paperwork. It is a very long, tedious process, compiling all of the required paperwork.
While in the midst of our home study I found out that Ethiopia had changed its court policy on adoption, possibly slowing the process from 18 months to well over 2 years. My heart broke over this news. Wait longer? We are already in our early 40s. Our oldest is in high school! The idea of waiting over 2 years for her to come home made us rethink everything. Once again, I scoured the internet, researching different countries.
I happened upon an agency with a Haiti program. Due to the 2010 earthquake in Haiti, most Haitian adoption programs were no longer accepting new applications, which was why I never considered Haiti in the first place. But this agency had reopened their application process a month earlier. Photos of Haitian children filled their website -- sweet, beautiful children with no special needs except that they needed a stable home. Two little girls caught my eye -- an infant and a one year old. So I called the agency.
I immediately connected with the Haitian director. I liked everything I heard. Even when she told me our family didn't immediately qualify according to Haiti's adoption laws (I will clarify in a minute) and that the process would take up to two years, I felt I needed to vet it out.
Haiti's adoption process is different from most international adoptions. In Ethiopia, for instance, our longest wait would be for a referral (being matched with a child). Once our paperwork was in Ethiopia, it could take months, even close to a year before we were matched with a child. Once matched, however, it was typically just a few months (and two separate trips) before we could bring her home.
Haiti is the opposite. We would be matched with a child quickly once our paperwork was complete. The wait happens after the paperwork reaches Haiti. It takes the Haitian government months and months to process the paperwork. And because our family required an exception from the Haitian adoption laws, we could expect an additional 6 months of waiting.
Haitian adoption laws as they stand today:
- husband and wife must be married for a minimum of 10 years
- husband and wife must be over the age of 35
- husband and wife must not have any biological children
(there are some minor exceptions, but for the most part, this is the law). Since we have 3 kids, in order to adopt from Haiti we HAVE to meet the other criteria and get a special dispensation from the Haitian president. Getting the dispensation can take up to 6 months. CRAZY! Because the Haitian President doesn't have enough to do, running a messed up, poverty stricken country with no infrastructure. I am sure he has the time to go through our paperwork to determine if we can successfully parent one more child.
What's even crazier is that I stumbled upon Haiti because I was trying to find a country that wasn't going to take 2 or more years to complete the adoption. And here we were, considering a country that would definitely take that amount of time and more.
So once again we prayed. Even though the timeframe was more than we wanted, we both felt this was where we were supposed to go. Because Haiti has such strict adoption laws, many wonderful families are disqualified. We are one of the few who qualify age-wise and marriage-wise (even if we have kids, which is the easiest law to work around). The Haitian orphanages are full, they are forced to turn away new children. Most of the children are healthy (in terms of third world health) and most have living parents who just can't provide them with adequate care. It is a terrible situation.
So we changed agencies, changed countries. Which required redoing some of the paperwork I spent months compiling. But it was the right decision.
Meanwhile we began our 24 hours of in-class education, required by the state of Colorado for all adoptive parents. Can I just say that ALL parents should be required to take parenting classes? We have to take classes before we can drive a car, before we can sell real estate or insurance and yet we don't have to know a thing about good parenting before we have kids. Even with successfully parenting 3 kids of our own, we found the classes to be extremely beneficial.
Taking the class made us rethink our age range of 0-2. We chose such a young age, thinking the less she remembered about her life before our family, the better. But the classes helped us realize we were capable of parenting an older child and that there are resources to help us with a child who has memories of an orphanage or being abandoned.
So we broadened our age range from 0-8. The Haitian director agreed with our age range -- she thought due to our age and our kids ages, a little girl who was a bit older would fit better into our family.
From a 0-2 Ethiopian child to a 0-8 Haitian child! Our journey took so many turns we never expected. Yet we see God's hand in each turn.
There is more to tell, but I will stop here for fear this is becoming a book.
What an exciting journey! I cannot wait to hear more.
ReplyDeleteVery well said. Thank you for starting this to share your journey. I am so thankful to not be walking this alone. It will be such a sweet blessing to have our "babies" home and in our arms. The time will fly. She is a very VERY blessed little girl to be given such an amazing family.
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