A tough day

Today was a tough day. We were told we would be at the orphanage for an hour and our driver finally picked us up almost six hours later. That is a long time to be with 10 attention-starved kids. I have to admit I was really glad to see our driver when he finally showed up.

Once again we received a warm reception from the kids when we arrived this morning. They were all dolled up in their Sunday best, even though I don't think they went to church. Christina had on a cute pink sundress and her hair was undone and Afro big! Her nanny was in the middle of styling her hair. That will be something new for me to learn, it looked pretty difficult, with a squirmy little girl.

The kids gathered around us waiting to see what fun things we would pull out of our backpacks. We have learned less is more with the gifts. One for each, and nothing more. Today I handed out plastic beaded necklaces. They loved them, although there were a few fights over colors. Christina crawled into my lap the minute I sat down, much to the dismay of two other little girls who wanted a piece of my lap. Weston was trying to fit three little ones in his lap as well. We are pretty much left alone with the older kids, I think the nannies use us as an opportunity to not have to supervise the kids themselves. Even the baby room gets left unattended often. It is amazing to see how those little ones, barely old enough to crawl and walk have learned survival instincts.

After an hour of being fought over I was exhausted. We couldn't hold them all and someone was always on the edge of crying and feeling neglected. Christina exhibited some behavior that makes me think we are going to have a hard road ahead of us. I wish we had a chance to have her alone as I would like to see how she behaves outside of the chaos of the orphanage, without feeling like she has to fight for our attention. And because we can't let her know we are adopting her we have to give all the kids equal attention, which made things really tough.

There were moments of sweetness and joy with her, but also moments where she was animal-like. She does not like being told no, and will act out when she doesn't get her way. She also does not like to be helped and will fight to do things herself. She pinched, kicked, and fought at us. I have to admit after a couple of hours of watching her and interacting with her I was wondering what in the world we had gotten our family into. How in the world could we bring this feral child into our home? We will have to put locks on the doors, put up anything we don't want destroyed.

Yet once she realized we were not going to back down, she would calm down. A couple of times she completely shut down after a fit, staring blankly into space. But with some snuggles and hugs she would slowly come back to her sweet self. We can see glimpses of the little girl she can be, given time, a stable family and unconditional love. That is what we will have to cling to when she has her fits.

We really saw who she can be at lunch. She was obedient, fun and sweet all through her lunch. She smiled, played peekaboo and seemed so happy! A favorite nanny came in during lunch and it was fun to see the kids light up at her arrival. The other nannies introduced us as Christina's parents, I have to think Christina is figuring out who we are. She is a very smart little girl.

I can't believe how much these little ones eat at each meal. A huge bowl of food and they can't leave the table until the bowl is empty. Christina ate more than I could ever think about eating at one sitting. After lunch with such full bellies, no wonder they all get so sleepy! Think of the energy it must take them to digest it all! Christina's belly was so full her back was arched from the weight as she marched around after lunch.

After lunch she continued to play sweetly with us and the other kids. I observed her being kind to another child who was sad, sharing her book and offering my lap to another little one who wanted some snuggles. She sang songs, kicked a ball, we read a book. At one point she fell and began to cry and when I picked her up and cuddled her, she was all better. I feel like the chaos of us being with all the kids is partly responsible for her behavior, they all have to fight for what they want. It really is survival of the fittest. But once we had been there a while she settled in and calmed down a bit.

It is interesting to watch the kids interact with each other. You can tell who is the mother hen, who is the tattle tale, who is the instigator, who gets picked on. They have their little society amongst themselves. They are all so smart and capable of fending for themselves. In the US we would never let kids run around like these kids do-- concrete floor, sharp edges, stairs, metal gates, little pieces they can (and do!) put in their mouths: an environment not at all safe for unattended kids. Yet these kids navigate it just fine. It is what they are used to. They don't have many toys, so they play with whatever they can find, whether it is a piece of string or an old deflated balloon.

I can honestly say that after being with these little guys all day there isn't a single one I did not get along with or like. They all have their issues, but overall they are all sweet, wonderful little children, just craving attention and love. And they all have fits just like Christina. They hit each other, take things away from each other, and they all have moments where they shut down and stare blankly at nothing. None of them like being told no and they all destroy whatever they are given. That seems to be the way of an orphanage.

Weston and I have our work cut out for us. Another year of Christina being in the orphanage is only going to encourage her animal-like fits. It is what she has to do to survive here. It will take time and energy to unteach those behaviors and teach her boundaries. I have to admit, I am a bit glad she isn't coming home just yet. I am going to have to do more preparation. I am also glad my other children will be that much older, and hopefully understanding, when she does come home.

When we left the kids all waved good-bye, but there weren't any tears. They must be used to watching people come and go, so it doesn't phase them.

We will visit her once more tomorrow, and although I am tired and a bit discouraged right now I am hopeful that one more day will show us we can actually do this. I am looking forward to our last day with her and I pray God shows us more glimpses of who our little girl truly is, and who she will be once she is with her family.